It’s hard to explain to kids that sometimes, even often, style wins out over substance.  In the movies and in novels, hard work, a good attitude and talent get you the grades, the girl and the job.  But in real life…it’s sometimes (often) about the style.  

The 13 year old is all about hard work.  He is diligent…the last one to leave the gym, the extra credit work is always done.  But what he isn’t, is flashy.  No glad handing for him.  No chest bumps, no jokes with the coach, he just comes and does what he’s there to do.  And most of the time, it pays off.  His coaches reward his hard work, his grades are good and he has a great circle of friends.  But, there are also those who take his reserved behaviour as snobbishness.  Some see him as standoffish.  He’s not.  But, as we know, perception matters. 

He has a really engaging friend who doesn’t seem to work as hard, is talented but not more talented than the others and, yes, is as charming as they come…and that works for him.  Really works for him.  Coaches run plays for his style…even though they don’t often pay off.  Teachers grant him allowances, and his circle of friends just grin and shake their heads in amusement…sometimes bemusement.

And, a few of those friends shake their heads in frustration.  They don’t understand why people don’t see through the style to notice an occasional lack of substance.  And as we all know, that’s because that is simply the way the world works.

You see it in the workplace all the time.  The person who quietly works at their desk getting the necessary chores done and the tough assignments completed is overlooked in favor of the individual who spends time strategically positioning themselves on choice assignments.  You see it in politics…the best man (or woman) doesn’t always win…but the most charming and engaging often does.

So, what does someone who is heavy on diligence and slightly lighter on style do?  

I’d like to tell the 13 year old that you just work hard and it all works out.  That’s not what i told him.  I told him to continue to work hard, to hone his skills, to get the grades…AND to smile more, tell a few jokes and (to the person who is at their desk all day doing the work) get out and shake a few hands.

Personality does matter…but so does all the rest.